Mission Schools: Religious Camps or Learning Institutions?

I recently celebrated my thirtieth birthday and in between the celebrations I got into a nostalgic utopia, thinking about the long journey that I have travelled for the past 30 years. Particularly, I reminisced about my school experiences wondering the extent to which they shaped me to be the man that I am today. One of the things that stood out in my walk down the memory lane was how my religious views have completely changed as compared to school days. You know, as one grows older, you become wiser and a bit intelligent. You begin to question everything that you have learned over the years. You revisit your past experiences and question the validity of the logic behind them because reliving life moments can sometimes be sobering.  

I used to be extremely religious when I was in primary school. My religiosity was a result of a catholic mission school I went to at the time. For legal reasons, I wouldn’t mention the name of the school but it is within Kisumu County and was very infamous during the heydays due to devil worshipping tales (a story for another day). However, the school’s academic performance was good nonetheless, mostly above average. Competing favourably against the giant schools in the municipality. I think that’s why my parents settled on it oblivious of the religious shenanigans that went on there.

My father used to work in Garissa which back in the day used to be the regional headquarters of North Eastern province. So he wasn’t around most of the time. My mum, on the other hand, had been transferred to divisional headquarters in our rural home area and because of this change, our family relocated to the countryside. Conversely, the schools around weren’t really good. I guess you know the challenges that rural schools go through thereby undermining the provision of quality education. Of course, I stood no chance to prosperity if I had attended the school because all previous the top performers fizzled into the cloud of poverty. That’s how I found myself in the catholic mission school.

The school had a boarding section for boys as well as day scholars program, catering for both boys and girls. I got admitted when I was progressing to class six and the three-year stay in that school was in my assessment the worst education experience since I started attending school. I felt that the school was more of a catholic indoctrination camp instead of a learning institution that should aim at developing all-rounded pupils in terms of academics, talent and life skills. 

My typical day as a pupil in that school used to begin at 4.45 am. We were given fifteen minutes to shower and collect everything that you’ll need during the day because the dormitories remain closed until 5 pm. This was followed up by cleaning activities. We were divided into groups and given chores in various sections of the boarding compound. I was moved around a lot in year six serving different entities. I got transferred to the toilets, bathroom, dormitory, kitchen and lastly the dining hall. Toilet was the worst gig one could ever get while kitchen cleaning was the most coveted one for obvious reasons. However, in class seven, I got into a leadership position. I was appointed the class prefect, a position which I diligently served until my exit from the school. It was a relief because the appointment meant that I was exempted from manual labour being done by ‘regular’ pupils. I later got more powers when I was appointed deputy dorms captain and later transferred to deputy dining hall captain. They may seem to be a small deal but they were a big deal then and have largely shaped my leadership skills to this very day.

Back to the daily routine. The cleaning was supposed to go on until 5:30 am. Thereafter, we proceeded to the dining hall to take very hot porridge.  All meals were preceded with prayers. At 6:00 am, we were supposed to be seated in the church. The morning mass was mostly abridged so they went for about 30-45 minutes (except for Sunday) but they took place daily, Monday to Sunday. Attendance was compulsory and malingering could earn you a straight expulsion because it was construed to be an anti-Christ behaviour which was not tolerated in any measure. So after the church service, we were made a run to the main school (they were in different locations, about 600 metres) where there was more manual labour waiting for us. Cleaning the classrooms and the school compound.

At 7:30 am, we would have our assembly and then proceed to class. We would then break for lunch at 12:40 pm and return to class at 2 pm. The classes would proceed till 3:45 pm where would again proceed for manual labour. We used to have a duty roster so that those not in duty could go out and play. After the cleaning activities, we had rosary prayers. This happened daily throughout the weekdays from around 4:15 pm to 5 pm. After the rosary prayers, we gathered for the evening assembly where would then be dispersed.  

For pupils boarding, we would run back to the boarding section to shower and play a little bit as we waited for supper that was served at 6 pm. By 6:30 pm, we were supposed to have finished eating and go back to the main school (senior pupils) for night preps which ran till 9 pm. At 9 pm, we congregated in the school hall for night prayers and intercession. These lasted for about 30-45 minutes and many times they went for over an hour if the presiding nun was feeling overly spiritual. Whenever this happened we slept around 10:30-10:45 pm. It mattered little that we were children and we needed more sleep time.

The weekend was a bit different. Things were somewhat a bit relaxed. On Saturday, my day began at 5:45 am. The mass started at 7 am departing from the weekday norm of 6 am. After church, we went for preps till 1 pm when we get back for lunch. Thereafter, we were released to go play till 4 pm. We would then re-converge at the boarding section for a rosary session and practising for Sunday mass. This included reciting the sermon readings, liturgical dances and singing. At night after supper, we could watch a movie then sum up the day with a praise and worship session. These would go on for 1-2 hours because it was a weekend and hence ‘no hurry to sleep’

Sunday was the culmination of the week and we had a bigger mass that began at 7 am and lasted for 2 hours. After the service, we had our breakfast then went for preps till 1 pm. After lunch, we would go back to the main school for a rosary session and bible study till 5 pm. From then on we would proceed to the boarding section for shower and supper followed by night prep. On Monday, we would begin the cycle all over again. However, from time to time, we had a spiritual retreats that would last 3-5 days and normal learning would be interrupted to pave way for the sessions which had special priests coming over. They were very intense; preaching, singing, worshipping, and spiritual deliverance for the whole day, every day throughout the retreat week. I later came to learn that the teachers too hated it and at one point the deputy headteacher who was a protestant opposed the numerous spiritual activities at the school. However, he wasn’t successful as his transfer was quickly put together and he was dispatched to distant lands in no time.

For three years, that was largely my routine in the school. At first, I had embraced the spiritual nourishment and when I went back home, I was completely transformed even my family members could not believe it. I was totally a new person walking the righteous path; from being loud & playful to quiet & reserved. While I didn’t lose the new personality and basic moral compass, I developed a resentment to the whole religious indoctrination that the school was busy reinforcing upon us. Looking back, I think the school was more of a religious camp as opposed to a learning institution. Eventually, when I passed out of school, I didn’t want anything to do with the Catholic Church or any other church for that matter. I stopped going to church till date but I haven’t lost my spiritual gravitas. In retrospect, my experience at the mission school largely contributed to my current predicament although I have since learnt a few things along the way that have changed my view on religion and general belief system. Even so, I still hold and try to practice the good teachings learnt to the best of my ability. 

REAL ESTATE AND FOOD SECURITY: THE DELICATE BALANCE BETWEEN HOUSING AND FOOD

It is a forgone conclusion that Kenya’s real estate/property sector is the latest goldmine craze that has elicited sensation among the investors; small and big. The sector has remained attractive given its high returns, mostly windfall [super] normal profits. To date, the industry has continued to attract investors, both local and international, who have since developed hundreds of real estate projects more so in the residential segment as the country faces a shortage of approximately 200,000 housing units annually, according to the Ministry of Housing & Urban Development.  With everyone looking to grab a pie of the real estate cake, we have had a number of things going wrong, from overpriced properties to shoddy buildings. However, one of the aftermaths of Kenya’s real estate boom is the use of agriculturally productive land to put up concrete jungle. Well, this is a dangerous practice and should be checked by the government.

Among the most affected areas include Kiambu and Kajiado Counties which have had swathes of land converted to real estate jewels while many more are in the pipeline. Nairobi City County, still remains the metropolis with the highest opportunities in real estate. According to Hass Consult, a leading real estate company, annual house prices over 2015 rose by 11.9% in Nairobi satellite towns while rents rose by an average of 9% pointing to the growing interest in Nairobi’s metropolis. Counties that make up Nairobi’s metropolis include Kiambu, Machakos, and Kajiado.

Kiambu County particularly has been a magnet for property developers owing to its greenery and tranquility appealing especially to those who are tired of city life in a concrete jungle. Kiambu and the greater central Kenya region boasts of some of the best fertile land in the entire country. Some of the leading projects in Kiambu include Tatu City (2500 acres), Migaa (774 acres), Thika Greens (1706 acres) and Northern Lights (500 acres) among others.

The question that lingers is, what will we do when all the productive land is used to put up properties? It consequently goes without saying that developers’ appetite for agriculturally rich land is indeed a threat to Kenya’s food security. It is therefore important that a comprehensive policy pertaining to real estate development should be put into place to safeguard the productive agricultural lands for the sake of the country’s food security. 

THE DAY OXYGEN TURNED TO AMMONIA AND CHOCKED US

The current ‘pouring’ of 2015 KCSE exams (it’s no longer a leakage), has reminded me of a hilarious incident just a few days to our KCSE back then. This is one of world untold stories of our 404 N class. He he he Read on! 

The atmosphere was full of mixed emotions; feelings of anxiety and joy. The event in the coming week would be a defining moment for the all young lads donning not so white shirts, faded navy blue blazers and grey trousers with white patches around the sitting apparatus, a sign of four years of hard work. That in a few days, determination of our destiny will be entirely in our hands. We could either successfully shape our future or slip up but we were not leaving anything to chance. Nevertheless, we were joyous for being on the last stage of completing 12 years of study. A long trying journey full of ups and downs.

It was just a few days to the KCSE national exams. All form fours (flag bearers as the principal used to refer to us) we were outside the classrooms scrubbing our desks to be void of any writings, scouring hard the seat and the desk where we will be sitting for next 3 weeks shaping our future; hopefully a clean future like the surface our desks. A dark cloud was hanging above our heads but the mood was just fine: guys were happy, engaging in sentimental moments, the mono days he he he.

In amidst of the cleaning frenzy somebody walked up to me; a form one student bearing a message. Talking in low tones, he told me that somebody standing outside the school fence wants to talk to any form four.  I don’t know why he came to me specifically. So I left to meet this stranger who had something important that he could only share with a KSCE candidate. At the back of my head I knew what it was but I could not understand where this stranger got the contraband as the exams hadn’t started. However, I couldn’t also rule it out because we knew that the so called ‘big’ schools had this thing way before the rest of us in decimal schools could even begin exams.

Reaching the school fence, there were two suspicious looking boys standing across the fence. The boys were donning uniform of Agoro Sare High School for those who come from that part of Kenya, you must know it well. They were bearing good news or not as it later turned out. They told me that they had ‘moo’, a Luo epithet for exam leakage. The English translation for ‘moo’ is ‘oil’. It’s referred as so because it makes things smooth especially tough exam papers. Ha ha ha!

But I digress…

On sale at this point was English paper one and Chemistry paper I with the rest coming later once we raise enough cash. It was somewhat a relief for me when it came to Chemistry as I hadn’t polished up my knowledge on Organic Chemistry just in case it was there. This was a special offer and the vendors agreed to offer the two at an introduction offer of Ksh.1500. Even if I wanted to take it for myself, my pocket money was barely exceeding Ksh.500, I couldn’t afford the package. So I told them to hold up. I went to my classmates to tell them the ‘good news’.

Upon sharing the good news, I could see the sigh of relief on comrades’ faces. There was so much excitement all around but we kept it in the low, careful not to attract unnecessary attention. Quickly we raised Ksh.1500. I was amazed at how fast the funds were availed. I went back and took the ‘product’. I came back and we immediately started looking for answers. We began with the Chemistry paper. You how tough Chemistry can be especially paper one. Shiet!

As revision progressed, we stumbled upon one tough question. It was beyond the class champ so we had to seek help from the overall chemistry champ who was from another class. Imagine my shock when this genius told me he had encountered the question before and he vividly recognized the paper as Nandi South District Mock. Ha ha ha!  The other paper, English paper I, was uncovered to be Kericho District Mock. We were conned man! Actually, this was my first con experience. We felt so stupid but you couldn’t blame us we were looking after our own skin, won’t you?

In retrospect with view of the current ‘pouring’ of 2015 KCSE exams (it’s no longer a leakage), you can’t really blame the students. Everyone wants a better future and KCSE seems to be a major contributor to that future. Even so, those in charge of exam administration should work to seal all the loop holes and have a fair playing field. 

UNEMPLOYMENT IN KENYA: THE BLAME CONTINUES

The two stories: one, the stampede that took place at Kenya Ports Authority’s Bandari College, Mombasa earlier on this month where over 3000 people turned up for 28 job vacancies and another one in the Judiciary where 80,000 people applied for 1000 vacancies brought to fore the latent unemployment crisis in the country, a disaster in waiting.  While unemployment is not a new phenomenon in Kenya and beyond, many have been quick to blame today’s graduates for being unemployed.

Numerous excuses have been brought up whilst no one is really keen in mitigating the already dire situation. Largely unfounded narratives being peddled around by ‘analysts’ that blame fresh graduates for unemployment include lack of entrepreneurial spirit and lack of requisite job market skills,  the most perpetuated fallacy.

The fact that Kenya is hosting the Global Entrepreneurship Summit is an indication that we are doing well on this realm in terms of viable business ideas but reasons for failure of the said businesses is what should concern us most. So the argument that graduate lack entrepreneurial spirit is somewhat misinformed.  Also, the employers have gone ahead to blame university curriculum for producing ‘unemployable’ graduates. One will wonder what makes them different yet they too attended the same universities that they are bashing left right and center.  

Going forward, the gospel of start your own business has never been this aggressive. The irony is the fact that those telling the fresh graduates to start their own business are comfortably sitting behind their mahogany desks, employed and drawing huge perks but they can’t create opportunities for the rest.

I believe the blame game regarding unemployment should shift to those who are employed and have worked for a very long time accumulating vast wealth but have decided not to create their own businesses that could employ them and dozens of fresh graduates. For them, the only investment they know is buying & selling of land plots and trading in stock shares but they don’t create opportunities for young lads yet they are the first people to criticize them.

While establishment of businesses is a viable solution and that we should explore it by all means, it’s imperative to point out that business success is not a guarantee and also recognize the fact that not all can be business people as some have to work for others, that’s nature. As we create opportunities, we should focus on building capacities of the fresh graduates by providing them with entry level jobs so that they can acquire experience, establish business linkages and at the appropriate time, moment move on to start their businesses. Before they clinch those professional consultancy tenders, they need to prove that they have the required capacity; that is knowledge and experience. I believe we can create job opportunities. Excuses that fresh graduates lack entrepreneurial spirit and employability skills are just that; lame excuses. We can indeed create enough jobs but those who possess the wealth have simply decided to be selfish. I think that’s about it. 

FEEDING THE THIEVES

So I’m sitting here filing the tax returns thingy. I’m on this last section conveniently labelled ‘Tax Compilation’. My eyes are stuck on this box that has amount of tax payable. I can’t help but think that part of this tax collected over the last year was stolen by some rogue government operatives and their associates.  My mind shifts to the NYS Saga. Some faceless lady was about to swindle slightly over Ksh. 600M. I believe that we have already lost more money than those in charge are willing to admit. In hindsight, this IFMIS thingy should be thoroughly audited and overhauled.  Anyway, I feel like crying as accruing this income was no walk in the park. As a matter of fact, the right side of both my shoe sole are longer there. The hustle has milled them to thin plastic chips.

While wandering in my thoughts, I also think of what I could have done with money which has now been stolen whilst it could have been used for the good of the people.  I could have settled part of my student loan commonly referred to as HELB loan. Now this HELB is like a mortgage you can pay till you die! Jeez! You pay Ksh.5 and reduces by Ksh.2. And such is life. By the way, debt is not good for your financial health. Don’t be hoodwinked by those sassy sales ladies from commercial banks.

But I ramble. Moving on.

I also could have kwachuad   ka ¼ acre in some remote area in the armpit of Kajiado County.  I mean could have done so many things with this tax bill. Somebody stole it plus those of others for his/her own good. It’s okay. I’m one of those who believe that karma is a bitch; law of natural justice.  I’m no longer sure whether I will reveal all my income streams in future as they come as I am skeptical if they will be used properly as they should.

I strongly believe that our indifference as Kenyans has contributed to the high theft cases of the public coffers. The thieves know too well that we will just sit back and watch as they rob us in broad day light. We can’t leave this task of fighting graft to Boniface Mwangi, Okia Omutata, Transparency International, Mars Group Kenya and other players in the civil society.

Everyone must join the fight. It doesn’t matter which political divide we belong to because at the end of the day it’s both our monies that are being illegally siphoned. Join the hashtags, the demos when called upon. You can’t afford to play safe when it comes to corruption. Our voices must be heard. 

OF KIBERA AND DECENT HOUSING

Development in Kibra is a complex issue than majority seem to realize. You see sometimes back, Raila launched slum upgrading project in Kibra and a number of other informal settlements in Nairobi and Kisumu. This programme that roped in partners from the government, World Bank, and UN agency for Urban Settlement among others was set to provide the residents with decent housing.

However, the development partners were in for a rude shock. After building the apartments and relocating residents, they went back to their informal houses and rented the apartments allocated to them. The development partners were baffled because in their minds they wondered why someone would opt to live in squalor instead of a decent house that has all the amenities. I remember engaging my friend Samson Onyango, a Regional & Urban Planning Expert to shed light on this peculiar phenomenon as it didn’t make any sense, at all!

Upon inquiry by the development partners, the residents gave a number of reasons for opting for their old homes. One of the prominent reasons was that living in apartments denied them the opportunity to engage in economic activities that they used to partake while living in the slums. For example, they could no longer sell their groceries, fish or charcoal among other small businesses in front of their houses. Without this income from their ndogondogo businesses, they could not live in the apartments as they had no other jobs. Some found the apartments to be too nice and did not match up to their stature. They felt as if they were living a lie and preferred to go back and live an ‘authentic’ life.

Studies have shown that living in slum conditions for a long time makes one to effectively adapt to slums lifestyle and they wouldn’t want to change that. I believe it’s for this reason that little progress in terms of decent housing has been realized in Kibra and other slums. The development partners had to pose and think of another strategy.

I think what we need are jobs, jobs, more jobs; gainful employment. The jobs that Waiguru & Co are chest thumping about are not sustainable. What will happen after drenching of all the sewer passages and construction of the toilets, toilets? They will be jobless again. For my friend Samson Onyango and other Urban Planners out there, we need ingenious sustainable urban plans.

HIGHER EDUCATION IN KENYA: IT’S TIME TO SCALE BACK TO BARE MINIMUM

In Overall, higher education in Kenya has really grown in terms of capacity and training. However, more effort should be channeled towards research so that we can find solutions to never ending problems that come up every single day.  

Koitalel Arap Samoei University and Nyamira State University to be established in Nandi & Nyamira Counties respectively will be the next entrants in higher education. While that is commendable, I want to believe that we have somewhat successfully managed to elevate higher education in Kenya and it’s time to focus on creating jobs for the thousands of graduates that we train in these numerous university lest we make the already deteriorating situation much worse.

Statistics show that Kenya produces approximately 50,000 graduates annually and this number is expected to rise steadily in the coming years.  While the government records show that 116,000 formal jobs were created last year (2014), we still have thousands without jobs. Referring to the statistics, it means that we had 56,000 surplus jobs.  Undoubtedly, there is inconsistency with the data and most probably it’s not accurate as it does not represent the reality on the ground. The number of university graduates is not in sync with the jobs created.

With the significant growth, we should then scale back the budget to bare minimum for higher education and divert the funds to basic education (primary & secondary) which is in dire need of searious upgrading.

#My2Cents #Budget2015

OF SONKO AND HIS GOODIES

I have seen pictures of Sonko circulating in the social media showing him shopping for Fire engine somewhere in Dubai. His acts of “charity” has enabled him to acquire massive grass root support across the political divide. However, I believe his model of development and assistance is not the right one. As a matter of fact, it’s a catapult to the dependency syndrome that we are working hard to eliminate. The middle class seen him as an attention seeker but a psychologist will tell you that in his earlier for life he probably had self-esteem issues. That’s why I wouldn’t criticize him harshly despite his ridiculous antics.

That aside, if he is really interested in helping people then he should empower them to fend for themselves instead giving handouts. With his deep pockets, he can begin with establishing a factory/ industry, a fertilizer manufacturing plant for instance. We don’t have one despite the fact that our economy is anchored by the agricultural sector. The industries will have multiplier effect besides creating sustainable jobs for the ever increasing jobless graduates. On the whole, I am not sure whether the ‘philanthropy’ is only meant to hoodwink people to vote him the next governor for the lovely people of Nairobi. Will it stop once he becomes the governor? I guess time will tell. 

KINYOZI, MEN’S GOSSIP CENTRES

To men, Kinyozi (Barbershop) is what a Salon is to women. Kinyozi’s are the next gossip centres for men away from the bar. For a long time, gossip has been known as women affair. However, what many don’t know is that men do engage in acts of gossip from time to time.

Unlike, women who engross in vitriol and malicious chatter about their friends & neighbours, men’s gossip is largely limited to women, alcohol and politics. There is no badmouthing and backstabbing whatsoever more so against other men. Otherwise, there is honour in the league of men.

That said, a fortnight ago, I was at my preferred barbershop in hood. You see, every Kinyozi in any neighbourhood will always have those boys from the neck of the hood hanging around, wishing away time.

On this fateful day, one of the boys shared a rather shocking allegations regarding Churchill Show. The lad claimed that there is a lot of corruption going on during auditioning of the stand-up comedians seeking to perform in the show. Those auditioning were required to pay up to 60% of the pay they receive after performance. He went ahead to say that some who don’t know the practice have been trying to audition but with little success. If these allegations are true then it is very unfortunate.

While at it, I would say that stand-up comedy in Kenya has overplayed tribal jokes and stretched it too far. To this end, shows like Churchil Live have lost mature audience. Tribal jokes were once rib cracking but not anymore as we have come to be used to it. Everyday, I meet people from different tribes with their typical behaviours. So, it won’t be logical for me to pay exaggerated ticket costs to watch something that I can get to experience everyday.

That said, producers of stand-up comedy should take a step back and reinvent comedy if they are still interested in making money out of it. Otherwise, from where I sit, it’s heading to oblivion. 

DEADBEAT ENGINEERS: KENYAN ENGINEERS NEED TO UP THEIR GAME

As a first year who has just been admitted to college you get to experience so many things. For me, the most striking experience was my encounter with those who had been admitted to pursue the so called ‘prestigious courses’.  The definition of prestigious courses was varied with some considering technical aspects of the course while others paying attention to the salary scales of the said profession. Many claimed to be doing ‘technical’ courses just because the curriculum had some complex mathematics here and there.

Anyway, those claiming to be pursuing these ‘prestigious courses’ had a ‘better than you’ attitude towards us those who took humanity based courses. According to them, they thought we were not brilliant enough to pursue those courses oblivious of the fact that some had surpassed the cut off points but they were maintaining their cool. Maybe they were right. But, it could be that we were not looking to stress ourselves with finding values of x and y for 5 years.

Surprisingly, those who took Business Management and Economics also considered themselves superior. Someone shoot me. I have always wondered what was so special about the course that granted some of the candidates their bragging rights. In fact, with the increasing exam cheating in the KCSE, it’s difficult to judge the cognitive competence of students basing on the KCSE grades. To unmask them, give them aptitude tests.  Real bright students will stand out. It’s only after pursuing the prestigious courses and ending up jobless after graduation just like the rest of us did they realize their nothing prestigious in their courses- anyway. 

But I digress.

Of those who took the ‘prestigious courses’ there was no group that had a lot of arrogance than those who took Engineering. When conversing with some of them, they would from time to time remind the gathering mostly taking ‘lesser courses’ that they were engineers in the making. Little did they know that they would join us in our humanity faculties after being discontinued for scoring cumulative fails in their first year of study. I always told them in Engineering, there is no trying; it’s either you know or you don’t know unlike in humanity were we are allowed to argue our case. There is no definite answer to problems.

Personally, I hold Engineers in high esteem because I believe they are brilliant and they are our key to a prosperous nation. Engineering has been advocated as the key driver of an industrial economy that can lead a country such as Kenya to a middle income status. Sadly, here in Kenya we are not faring well as we should.

Today, I asked a friend of mine, a Computer Engineer, what he has invented or innovated since completing college approximately 2 years ago. He gave me a blank look. I probed him further perhaps if he is working on some kind of a project but still nada. That right there is our problem. We have people enrolling to engineering for the sake of the tag ‘Eng’ and the huge salaries associated with the course. Consequently, we have a bunch of engineering graduates who lack vision as they are not passionate about Engineering.  All engineering contracts are going to the Chinese and Japanese yet we have engineers graduating from our institutions. Those who are awarded contracts do substandard jobs.

While those in Electrical and Electronic Engineering are doing comparatively well, those in Civil, Mechanical, and Structural Engineering are simply deadbeat. If MPESA was invented in here Kenya, I believe we have great potential and as a way to mitigate the perennial problem of unemployment, we need the engineers to jam start the industrial revolution in Kenya. I would like to challenge all Kenyan engineers to leverage on their brilliance and knowledge to lead Kenya to an industrial economy.  As an Engineer, what have you invented or innovated? Food for thought.

WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS….NO THANK YOU!

Sharon Mundia
Image: www.thisisess.com 

I can bet that I am not the only one who hadn’t heard about Sharon Mundia also known as @ThisIsEss in the twitter space, a renowned fashion blogger, apparently.  She took the internet by storm a couple of days ago when she broke the news of her engagement to the world. @ThisIsEss is a sight to behold but then again it depends on your scale of beauty.

Anyways, you might be wondering why it caused a fuss resulting in the trend #PoleKwaMwirigi. Of course, she broke the heart of Team Mafisi but not so much like a lad named Mwarigi who had an overwhelming crush on her. @ThisIsEss decided to tell one Mwarigi that they can still be friends. Ha!

Dear ladies, a word of advice: don’t tell that man who is after your loving heart that you can be friends when you have declined to approve his bid for whatever reason.  A man knows what is best for him. When he decides to pursue you, he has objectives. If he only wants to be your friend, he will do just that. If he wants you guys to be lovers then that will be the primary objective and maybe, just maybe, the secondary objective is tipping the cookie jar. Nobody wants to lose it all. Heey!

Telling somebody who is love with you but cannot get you whatsoever to be still your friend is ill advised. I know you might think that you are being thoughtful and that you are giving at least something, hand in friendship, instead of nothing at all. In saying that, you are just hurting him more and the impression he gets is that he’s only good enough for just being a friend. Its either he has you (fully) or not.

There are those who accept rejection friendship whole heartedly. That who accepts to be your friend even after turning down his advances could mean three things: One, he is still hoping to win you by hanging around. What he doesn’t realize is that he is sealing his fate in the dreaded friend zone. Secondly, he was not serious in his bid and probably he wanted only sleep with you. That and nothing more. He will therefore stay behind still working to tip the cookie jar. Lastly, he could be in denial and knowing that he can still talk to you freely makes him feel better.

Dear ladies, now you. Don’t tell that chap that you can still be friends. You are not helping the situation.

THE CHANGING LOVE SCENE

The love scene has changed drastically since our old days. I long for those days that a hand written letter loaded with love song lyrics from hit love songs could just do the magic. Interestingly, this is the only phase during my entire lifetime that I listened to Westlife, Celine Dion and the like. Remember Solidad, Queen of My Heart and other shitty love songs back then? In those hay days, all I needed to express my love was my impressive handwriting and some sweet words albeit largely borrowed from Westlife songs’ lyrics. Chilling in the house worked or in the extreme cases, taking a walk within the neck of the hood. Simple. Easy.

Fast forward. 2015. Expressing your love nowadays has become a complex idea. Her inkling of love is going to Impala grounds, sit on the grass (or a Maasai Shuka) taking some expensive vodka while listening to some music that she doesn’t have idea which genre it belongs. Others, want to attend Masaku 7s and all other rugby 7s circuit encounters notwithstanding her ignorance of what ‘a try’ means. If you don’t grant these wishes and others just as ridiculous, you will be deemed not be so loving. From the foregoing, a subtle deduction is that love has developed a close relationship with money. Tragic.

As tragic as it is that money has taken precedence over love, guys are learning to adapt. However, if you don’t live up to her perception of expressing love then you can as well kiss the relationship goodbye because believe or not, there is another man standing by and ready to give her the world. Ha! And against the man with money bags, you will surely lose unless it is an exceptional true love.  The bottom line is that money shouldn’t be a criteria for love but I can as well tell that to the birds in the air. 

THE TRAGEDY OF KENYANS’ INDIFFERENCE

In Summary

Kenyans’ indifference to issues is a cause for concern. In this piece, I argue that Kenyan’s bystander approach and has contributed significantly to poor governance in the country.  There is need for each one of us to at least stand for something as things don’t fix themselves. Read on....

A couple of weeks ago I was chatting with a friend of mine just in the wake of the tragic Garissa attack. While discussing the state of affairs in the country, I ask her, just out of curiosity, if she voted during the last general election. “No, I didn’t. Politicians don’t help me in any way,” she (naively) responds.  Fair enough.  “So how did that help fix poor governance currently being witnessed in the country?” I probe further. Unfortunately, this time she has no response for me.

You see the tragedy with majority of Kenyans is the tendency to be indifferent towards issues; be it political, economic or social.  For them, they feel it is not their responsibility. To this end, we are experiencing runaway corruption because people don’t simply care yet it is their money (in form of taxes) that has been stolen.  The furthest they can go is to protest through hashtags in the social media but more often than not, it requires so much more than hashtags to effect change in poor governance. Currently, the price of Unga has gone up from Ksh.75 to Ksh.105 with some brands retailing at Ksh.120. While this has significantly increased the cost of living, good Kenyans are keeping their peace yet it has poked a hole in their pockets.

In the work environment, characters like my friend referred above who like taking the middle ground rarely prosper. Apart from being an easy and safe option, they want to appear modest in the eyes of others. During staff meetings, these chaps will not say anything but they have notepads and will be writing down other people’s ideas or views instead of sharing they own. They will keep their peace and observe others haggle over issues. However, what they fail to realize is that by playing safe nobody will ever notice their presence even if they their IQ is 150.  When promotions come around, the manager will easily ignore them simply because they are passive and lack assertiveness. Rightly so.; they don’t stand for anything; nada. Zero. Nobody will know about your brilliance if you don’t participate in issues. Corporate world is vicious and with this kind of attitude, you will probably be stack in your position for a very long time.

In conclusion, the bottom line is that we should cease the bystander approach to critical issues that affect the society at large because it’s for the greater good. You either support the government, the opposition or the civil society but don’t be a casual observer sitting on the fringes.  Things don’t fix themselves. At least stand for something. 

ITS 2017 AND BABA IT IS!

Its 2017, I am sitting in the living room with my son, Harvey, watching the inauguration ceremony of Kenya’s fifth President. There is a lot of noise by the joyous crowd gathered at Uhuru Park grounds.  Meanwhile, my lovely wife, Nyambura, who hails from Kiharu has decided not to watch the ceremony with us.

She is (pretending to be) busy with some (far-fetched) house chores. I understand how she feels. I was in the same position exactly 5 years ago. I let her be. She has been moody since the election results were announced. She loves me to bits though (or so I believe). Ha!  

The Chief Justice now tries in vain to calm down the now super charged crowd running to a million chanting “Baba! Baba! Baba!” He signals them to come down. There is momentary silence with a few chants here and there. Then he breaks the silence…

I, Raila Amollo Odinga, solemnly affirm that I will truly and diligently serve the people and the Republic of Kenya in the office of the President; that I will diligently discharge my duties and perform my functions in the Office of President of the Republic of Kenya; and I will do justice to all in accordance with this constitution, as by law established, and the laws of Kenya, without fear, favour, affection or ill-will. So help me God.

The crowd breaks into wild cheers and jubilation. The KTN cameraman zooms in the crowd. I see a section of the crowd overwhelmed by emotions; they are crying. Tears of joy. It’s unbelievable baba is now officially the fifth President of Republic of Kenya.

A tear drops from my right eye. Oh my God I’m crying too jeez! I bet you don’t want to know when I last cried. “Daddy, why are you crying,” Harvey asks me. I wipe my tears and look at him with my eyes now reddish. “That man you see over there is the greatest leader our country has ever had. His victory has been stolen twice in the past and this was his last chance to be Kenya’s President and he has finally made it. I’m very happy Harvey,” I tell Harvey.

At this point it doesn’t matter to me whether Harvey thinks that his dad is weak. It is a defining moment. Meanwhile, the crowd is unstoppable. They are singing, dancing and waving placards suggesting towards the dais.  Security is having a really difficult time. Baba unsuccessfully tries to calm the mammoth crowd now ultra-charged.  He decides to address them amidst the noise but he can’t continue as the noise is too much. He boards the presidential limo and his entourage follows him. The huge crowd follows the entourage. It crazy.

Once again Kenya is voted the most optimistic country in the world. In the meantime, I go to the kitchen where I find mama Harvey washing the utensils. I pause slightly, admiring the magical beauty in front of me (damn! She is fine. The little voice is my head whispers) then I break eerie silence…

“Si you will slaughter that jogoo for dinner. “Sawa babe”, she responds (in a sweet charming voice) without looking at me. Of course the chicken must die as we celebrate baba’s historic victory. Others will bring down bulls and goats. I am not sure about sheep. The chicken that I had set aside for celebrations in 2013 was spared as we controversially lost (we were rigged out).

I go back to the living room. All media stations are busy analyzing baba’s impending presidency. NTV is hosting Mutahi Nguyi (I want to smack his face, shit!) while KTN hosts Adams Oloo, Political Science don from the University of Nairobi. I call my friends supporting jubilee to tease them. I tell them this thing #IsMarwa and #Okwabisecho he he he…Some are deeply hurt but I tell them to give baba a chance, he will deliver.

I then call my folks and share the joy. We chat and laugh. In deed it’s a new beginning for Kenya as Kenya’s father democracy takes charge. It was a long time coming. Awooh! 

SO MUCH FOR WHATSAPP GROUP CHAT NOTIFICATIONS, I QUIT

“I fear the day technology will replace physical human interaction”- Albert Einstein. As it has happened, the scientist prophecy came to pass as technology has actually replaced physical human interaction today and what better way than other than social media. Whatsapp, (world’s leading messaging service) just like other social media applications has revolutionized the way we interact with one another especially in this era that people don’t have time to visit family and friends owing to tight schedules (or so we say).

Granted, this has prompted people to create cyber interaction space to compensate for their inability to visit in person and have a one on one conversation. Whatsapp Group Chat has proved to be the perfect avenue for chat among friends who want to constantly keep in touch without necessarily physically meeting.

While Whatsapp Group chats has enabled us to keep in touch with our dear ones, it has also been a source of great nuisance for many. A nuisance caused by the numerous whatsapp notifications that you get every morning you go live and the worst part is that the chat has nothing that concerns you or serves your interest.

Not long ago, I used to be in about six or so Whatsapp chat. Don’t get me started on the number of unnecessary notifications that I used to get. I wake up, turn on my phone’s data and voila! 1023 notifications. How lucky? You can imagine because there are those who haven’t received any message for a very long time.

But believe me you, the 1023 messages and other hundreds that I used to receive from time to time had nothing to do with me; with majority being motivational messages which I happen to loathe so much. Even if I had the whole time in the world, I couldn't have read all the messages.

It came a time that I had to make a judgement call; a bold decision but unpopular as it would rub friends and family the wrong way. Nonetheless, it had to be made as I could not stand the notifications running to thousands. I exited all the groups except for a few that were very critical. Yes, I did.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here is a piece of advice, if you want your Whatsapp Group chat to stand test of time and keep all its members intact. First, have a clear common goal for the group, for example, if it’s a chat for the investment chama make sure only information relevant to the group is posted there. That way, you will avoid hundreds of notifications as a result of numerous redundant motivational messages or stupid memes.

Secondly, you can throw a few light moments here and there but don’t overdo it. If you feel that you want to motivate or crack jokes, do it moderately, once in a while. Imagine having all 100 of you posting stupid memes. Eventually one will walk out of the group as your bogus meme and motivational message will be the straw that broke the camel’s back. 

Maybe I was wired differently or age is finally catching up with me, regardless of the reason chatting is nowadays becoming a heavy task for me.

P.S ‪#‎MyWhatsappMyChoice but I still value you. It’s nothing personal just a difference in tastes and preferences

FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT IS NO MORE

How many times have you experienced awkward moments while watching a movie or series with friends or family? One too many times, right? The prohibiting of the controversial movie ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ by the government film regulator brings to fore the increasing challenge of family entertainment.

To bring you up to speed, Fifty Shades of Grey was banned (obviously) due to the pornographic content and other latent immoral lessons. You will agree with me that it’s becoming increasingly difficult to find a movie or TV series that you can comfortably watch and with your family or in presence of the young ones. When it happens that you are watching with others, the sex scene seems to last like forever and it can’t get any more awkward (eew!). You wish the power could go off but no, it is there to stay (tell me about it).

Nowadays, you will hardly find a movie or TV series that does not have (an explicit) sex scene. As a matter of fact, the sex scenes have proliferated and there is barely a difference between a typical movie and a pornography. Some are just extreme that even if you are watching alone it becomes very uncomfortable (I know what you are thinking he he he). You have to turn down the volume so that the neighbors don’t get a wrong impression because you were innocently watching what was supposed to be a normal movie.

TV shows like Banshee, The Affair, Spartacus, and Games of Throne among others come to mind. Also, lately the movie/TV series producers have introduced gay sex scenes (Scandal, for example) in a bid to normalize homosexuality which is yet to be accepted in the African culture further aggravating the already dire situation. 

Fifty Shades of Grey and others like it are poisoning the minds of our children and even young adults.  Children exposed to pornography are the ones that end up committing rape when they become of age. Adults on the other hand have sexual dysfunctions which ultimately lead to broken marriages. Unfortunately, what they fail to realize is that the guys on the movie are merely acting and some of the things they do are not entirely true for instance the overrated orgasms, pleasure (ha!).

It will be a daunting task to get a morally upright (read moderate) entertainment for the family in the future with the increasing sexualizing of entertainment. For the producers, sex sells and that’s good enough for them. All said and done, its trickles down to personal responsibility.

P.S Yoh! Now, get your mind out of the ditch huh!